Blindness to our true selves

This one is hard to write about. Not because there isn't anything in this reflection, but because of how "close to home" this reflection lives. Kennedy writes, "any self-study pursued with courage and patience, without dodging the truth, will bring some order out of this welter of confusion..."  (Holy Island, p. 44)

I had lunch with a colleague and they asked what it was like for me to write my reflections on this blog. I answered that it was hard for me to put my thoughts out into cyberspace because in reality, a private person. This social media experiment is an experiment on two levels. The first level is trying to build community, in a non-traditional, maybe post-modern sense. The second level of the experiment is to see if I can personally put my thoughts and ideas out there for others to see and read and then be able to hear the feedback, for better or worse.

What I didn't expect through this experiment was that I would do as much personal soul searching about who I am as husband, parent, and priest. I haven't shared all of these thoughts on this blog because most of them are private and somewhat inappropriate for this type of public forum. However, as I have tried to be open to the Holy Spirit this Lent, I have realized that I have been blind to my true self. I am thankful that over the next several readings we will have an opportunity to delve into this spiritual journey of spiritual blindness.

One way in which I have been blind to myself is that I have been over-scheduling my church calendar not leaving enough time for my family. There is a reason that our Bishops and Spiritual Directors constantly remind us that our Letters of Agreement are explicit in that only 2 or 3 evenings are expected. We as clergy will work 5 evenings and feel guilty for not working the sixth and seventh. I have fallen into this trap. I have been blind to myself and to my family which is a huge spiritual charge given to me by God. And trust me, as I reflect on my life through the mirror we call Lent, this is only one of the ways in which I see myself falling short...if I am honest with myself.

In what ways are you blind to your true self?