The Inner Man (person)

One of the hardest parts of Lent, or the discipline that Lent offers to us, is admitting that we aren't perfect, we are flawed, and we have "room to improve." I am, in many ways the older son...I don't want to ask God to forgive me because that means that I have to admit that I am wrong. When will we get over our selves and trust God?!?!?

"Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts..."

Today's reflection reminds me of Matthew 15:16-20, "Then Jesus said to Peter, ‘Are you also still without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth enters the stomach, and goes out into the sewer? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this is what defiles. For out of the heart come evil intentions, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile.'"

I was speaking with a colleague who asked the question, "When we get angry, is it a reaction or is it a choice?" After some conversation, he expressed his opinion that "All feelings and emotions are a choice; we just choose certain emotions and feelings so often and so long that they become a habit." When he said this, I immediately thought of this passage from Matthew and this reflection from Holy Island. We form our habits to be angry, suspicious, bitter, malicious, manipulative, etc., and these habits infect our heart to the point that we need to beg God to "cleanse the thoughts of our hearts" so that we may have a fresh start, have a "holy do-over" on our spiritual journey with God.

We profess that Jesus provides us with the "holy do-over" and we understand that Lent provides us with yet another opportunity to unbind those things that keep us from drawing closer to God...like a heart full of thoughts centered on one's self instead of on God.

Is it possible to wake up to our blindness?

I know that Jesus healed many blind people. We read these stories through out the Bible, but as we look around our churches today, as we look around our homes today, as we look at ourselves today, is it possible to wake up to our blindness? I know what I wrote yesterday. I know that I wrote that I was blind to my own true self. But now that I am beginning to see it and admit it to myself, will I change my pattern? Is it possible to get up off of my mat and walk into the discipleship of Christ. That action requires as much, if not more work, than the actual recognizing and admitting that we were blind. Once we "can see", we have responsibilities. We can no longer hide in our own comfortable little world. We can no longer serve and service our own needs and ourselves. We have to care about "the other" and let go of ourselves.

Using myself as an example here again, and yes this is painful for me to do, was/is my working at the church 4 or 5 evenings a week (and yes, I'm doing "church work" during those days as well, and that is not counting Sundays) because there is really work that needs to be done or is it because I have this innate need that needs to be filled? I am sure that if you ask me, my wife, my children and 5 different people at the church, you will get just as many different answers. Of course mine will be the only one that is correct, but therein lies the issue. Once we see the need for adjustment in our life, can we do it? I am only kidding about my answer being the only correct one, most probably all the answers have a very large vein of truth in them. That is when the community has to come together to help find the best solution. Remember, we don't live on an Island. And that my friends, can be even scarier than putting one's thoughts on the internet. Relying on the community to help make decisions means that we let go of some of the control we have over our lives. It sounds hard, it is hard, but it is part of the "waking up" process.